Whether it's between spouses, best friends or a parent the give and take of a relationship can be a very tricky balance.
As women, not only are our brains wired for “giving,” we are socialized into relationship patterns of self-sacrifice and self-silence.
Men can be givers as well. All it takes to be a giver is someone (taker) who is willing to receive.
The main description that comes to mind is that takers are selfish. News flash: Givers can be selfish, too. When one gives as a means of controlling another one, that is selfish.
The bottom line is this: The process of giving and taking is a dynamic of every relationship. Giving, receiving and sacrificing are how our relationships are tested and hopefully grow. If you are a taker and know it, flip the script and give a little bit. Givers, relax, instead of doing — speak up and ask for what you want or need. Take for a while, it really is OK. Ask yourself: How is my giving or taking serving me now?
Here are some tips:
- Pay attention to your feelings and motives when giving or receiving.
- Don’t be afraid to communicate your own needs.
- Be aware of the signals that you give off.
- Realize that you can change your behavioral patterns and responses.
By Dr. Janet Taylor
